My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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