Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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