fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
