A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
