The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize