You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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