you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
