life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize