just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
