john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
