hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
