3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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