my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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