Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
