Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He felt like a one man threesome
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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