Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
