haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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