four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
