Pappa wants mamma naked
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
