best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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