I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
