WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize