9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
