So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
