He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
