Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
