My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
