you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
