man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
