he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
