I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
