ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize