Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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