So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
