evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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