He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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