i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
