I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
