I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
PANTIES FOUND
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