I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
