im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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