You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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