Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Vodka?
Forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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