I wannas sexs uuuuu
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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