I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
