I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
