My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
