It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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