I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
