dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
