you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
