can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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