Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
