You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
