It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
