just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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