I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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