in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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