that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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