We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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