Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
