WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
