Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
