What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I cut my penus on the lid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
