i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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