he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
