Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
