thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
